When the leaves begin to change and the air gets more crisp, I know my siblings are coming home. Thanksgiving, the holiday of family reunions and good food, is certainly just that for me and my two older siblings, who are six and eight years older than I, respectively. This is the only time all of us sleep together under one roof now, just like we used to.
Growing up, I was always extremely close to my siblings, but this relationship was oftentimes more of a parent-child one than a typical sibling bond. Instead of just playing with me, they would supervise my games. My sister would start playing with me and my dolls and then leave after she had “gotten the game started,” or my brother would play War with me and eventually leave so that I was playing both hands. I was never bothered by this, as I thought the two of them were the coolest people ever, and I desperately wanted to be just like them when I grew up. One year, I even wrote my sister a Mother’s Day card, because to me, this felt like her role.
As I continued to mature through middle school and into high school, and as my siblings moved on to college, I would often look up to the two of them, mainly for advice and help with my school work. I would ask my sister which classes to take and my brother to help me solve my math problems. The two would laugh when I told them about my math teacher calling me my sister’s name. Since they had graduated high school and moved away, my main way of communicating was a phone call or a text, as talking in person was not an option. I was 10 when my brother graduated and 12 when my sister did.
I began to see my relationships with my siblings evolving, as I grew up. Even though the physical distance between us grew larger, our emotional distances shrank. Last year, my role and my sister’s flipped when I tore my ACL and then five months later she tore hers. I would get phone calls from her asking when the post-operatative pain would get better, or when she would be permitted to walk again. My brother also began to switch roles with me more and more. Being 25, he was not as tuned into celebrities and social media as I was. This meant an occasional text would come my way, asking me “who is Alix Earle?” or “why is everyone talking about the numbers six and seven.” For once, we felt like equals.
Living without my siblings since they left for college has been, and still is, a huge conceptual adjustment for me, even though I feel more emotionally connected to them. Being the only child at my family’s Friday night dinner, or the only kid my parents could blame when dishes weren’t cleared, was something I had to get used to; however, I could never, and still cannot, fully grasp the fact that my siblings and I will not live together again, and that I must text them for advice instead of knocking on the wall between our rooms. I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that we are all beginning our own separate lives.
As it becomes my turn to leave for college, I see our relationships continue to shift for the better. I see us as equals. As the age gap becomes less relevant, my siblings and I have gotten closer. I see myself looking up to them less, and instead looking directly at them as close friends. I can relate to them more now than ever. I am excited for when we all come home next Thanksgiving, and catch up on our new lives.
